Grades and Girls: What Your Parents Never Told You About College Page 5

  As much as I’d like to jerk off to frats and sororities for the next twenty pages (which I may end up doing) I want to tell you a little bit about my experiences:

  When I first came to college, I knew what a fraternity was. Who didn’t? Come on now, I’d seen Old School and American Pie Presents: Beta House. Damn, those movies made them look like fun.

  But to be in a frat you had to be cool right?

  Everyone who ever joined a fraternity was born cool, always dressed the way they do, and are totally the same person they were in high school. You can see where I’m going with this…

  To me fraternities presented an opportunity to better myself on all levels. The most appealing was the social aspect. Unfortunately I had no idea where to start. About 6-8 weeks into my first semester, things weren’t looking bright. My social life sucked and I still hadn’t even kissed a girl. Not just in college, but in my whole life.

  Well, I was walking into the dining hall one day and there was a cool looking guy promoting a fraternity on campus. I was a bit skeptical, but I took his flier. It was by far one of the best decisions I ever made.

  Fortunately for you I am here to provide you with my insider knowledge. Don’t be like me and wait for a gift from the Greek Gods to deliver you an invitation for awesomeness. Take action into your own hands.

  I previously mentioned that as an incoming Freshman you should research the fraternities on your campus, pick a few that stand out and then contact them. They’ll be more than happy to have you to some of their events. Most recruitment events take place the first week or two of school. This is known as rush week.

  Rushing a Fraternity

  The first week or two of every year can be hectic. Many people are living in a new place, they have to adjust to their class schedule, and most importantly get ready to do schoolwork after summer. Greek organizations are not exempt from this, and perhaps even more burdened with these drastic changes.

  During Rush Week fraternities will seek out potential new members to join their ranks. For these two weeks (or more) fraternities will treat you like royalty (the next eight to ten they will treat you like slaves, but I’ll get to that shortly): Free food, events, booze and sluts are on the agenda. If frats are like NFL teams, then freshmen are like college football players being scouted for the draft.

  Remember this: Rush Week is crucial for fraternities. They always try to meet a certain threshold of new members, and if you’re a cool guy, or even ‘above-average’, then they want you in. They have to hit those numbers or else they’re going to get an earful from their alumni.

  During this time period you should not be overly burdened with school work so enjoy this week or two. Check out as many fraternities as you can and keep note of which ones you vibed well with.

  Like I mentioned before, I really missed the boat on this one when starting school. I genuinely did not know how or where to find these frats or get involved in rushing.

  There are several ways to do this, some you can start weeks or months before starting school:

  Do your research: Go to Greek Rank. I have a lot of problems with the site, but it accomplishes two things: 1.) It shows you what frats there are and 2.) It gives you a general overview of the frat, though there are a lot of hater reviews and people who ‘self-rank’.

  Go to the New Student Fair/Greek Night (Or whatever it’s called): At Ohio State there would be a huge event on the ‘Oval’ (like a Quad) where all student organizations would go to advertise themselves and recruit new students. Find where the frats are and talk to as many as you can. More specifically, there are often events like ‘Greek Night’ which cater specifically to guys and gals looking to join Greek life. This is a better use of your time, if there is such an event.

  Find Greek Row: I remember walking down the street with one of my buddies one night. Some dude from Beta Theta Pi hollered at us to come into his frat house. There was a little party going on with guys our age and some girls. I had already joined my frat at this time, so I wasn’t going to join. There was no way I was turning down free booze though. Though this type of thing doesn’t happen often, during Rush Week you should take advantage of social opportunities like this. Find some guys in your dorm and lead them on an adventure that first weekend. Track down Greek Row, if there is one, find out what parties are going on. Tell the fraternity brothers you are interested in rushing and they may let you in. If not, ask if they have any future events you can come to. This genuine interest is much appreciated, and they will reciprocate in kind.

  Dirty Rush

  What I’ve just laid out to you is the official way to rush a fraternity. It’s the way almost every guy who becomes a fraternity man will join. But there is also another way—Dirty Rush.

  If Dirty Rush sounds like some illicit, shady way of getting a Freshman to join Greek Life, it is. It’s a mutually beneficial partnership for both parties because it guarantees that a cool, new member will join which benefits everybody.

  These days, Dirty Rush isn’t hugely popular with fraternities. This is because fraternities, like at my Alma Mater, had an informal rush. However, there are certain rules that govern who you can give a bid too. For example, at OSU students were not permitted to join their first semester. They could go to events, meet brothers, but they had to take a certain level of credits at school to ‘officially’ join. And those official rules are what separate traditional rushing from dirty rushing.

  So, dirty rushing would work like this: A cool Freshman shows up to a house. After spending some time with the brothers, it turns out that both parties like one another. Instead of waiting an entire semester, or even a few weeks, especially at risk of joining another house, he’ll be offered a bid. This makes the recruit happy too because he gets to party with all the guys throughout his first semester.

  It’s most likely that you won’t dirty rush. And don’t ask the fraternity brothers if you can dirty rush—that’s a stupid way to get rejected. You could instead can subtly ask, ‘Is there any way I can join sooner?’ Beyond that you’re pushing it.

  The next step after rushing is to get a bid.

  How to Get a Bid

  A bid is a written invitation that a fraternity will present to a potential new member. It’s a way of extending their desire for the individual to join their chapter. If you accept the bid, is does not guarantee that you join, rather it gives you the opportunity to go through pledgeship, after which you will finally be able to join.

  In my fraternity we really weren’t too picky. Most fraternities aren’t as picky as you would imagine either. While these frat boys may seem like demi-gods, I can bet they weren’t always that cool. They were average, but had potential. Many guys in my fraternity were pretty dorky when they joined, but had a complete makeover in terms of wardrobe and personality that made them fit the stereotypical frat boy role. I don’t always approve of this, because some guys come across as disingenuous, but it happens.

  As long as you are not socially inept, have some sense of style, can hold a conversation about interesting topics, and crack a few jokes you’re good to go.

  Better yet, make an effort at small talk. If you have the above characteristics and can initiate conversations with the brothers then you’re golden.

  Here’s a quick list of Do’s and Dont’s:

  Do’s

  Wear nice clothes. You don’t need to go out and buy an entirely new wardrobe, but owning some “fratty” clothes will come a long way. J Crew is solid for price and quality. Don’t worry too much about style now—I’ll cover that a little later. In fact, trying too hard is the quickest way to give off a bad impression. Just look nice and be well groomed.

  Have cool stories. Don’t try and brag. You’re a freshman! But make the impression that you have fun stuff going on in your life and that you’re not depending on the fraternity to give you a social life. If you don’t have anything going on, a white lie won’t hurt.

  Come to several events. Don’t be a one and done. Go
to a few events and get to know a few guys. Which leads me to my next point…

  Know the bros. It helps to get to know some of the brothers so that when the time comes to give out bids you’ll have a few guys vouching for you.

  Dont’s

  Wear Cargo Shorts. Don’t ask, just don’t wear them. Trust me. When you join a fraternity you’ll know why.

  Come to every event. This makes you seem desperate. When you’re rushing you want to act like a hot girl. Everyone wants to get you and there are multiple guys (i.e. frats) trying to holla at you. And if you’re rushing several different fraternities, you won’t have time to come to every single event of a particular frat.

  Be weird. You don’t have to be super cool, just be normal. If you’re weird though you can kiss your bid goodbye. I remember we had a guy who came to one of our frat parties after attending a few events. He came up to me and told me how he just used an “opener” on some girls that was straight out of the Mystery Method. The girls weren’t pleased. We politely told him that, “He wasn’t a good fit.” There’s nothing wrong with hitting on girls, in fact it’s encouraged. Just don’t be a creeper.

  Boast or Brag: You’re a freshman. One who just recently started school. There’s really nothing you can say that is going to blow these guys’ minds. Trying to show off and tell everyone how awesome you are comes across as try-hard and douchey—just act natural!

  This shouldn’t be a high pressure situation. Just show your face and have a few chats. Assuming you showed up enough to a few different frats, you will likely get a bid somewhere. You now have the decision as to which organization you wish to join.

  Once you make your decision you will be initiated as a pledge…mwahahaha.

  Chapter 11: The Pledge Survival Guide

  You’ve heard the stories: Pledges being forced to consume ungodly amounts of shitty alcohol, doing endless pushups, touching dicks… and the list goes on. While I have no doubt that these types of things happened in the past, or are happening as you read this, for the most part fraternities do not engage in such acts. If this is what you imagine as what your pledgeship will be like, then you’re going to be a bit relieved, because the activities in pledgeship aren’t as bad you imagined.

  I won’t go into detail, but my fraternity did a wee bit of hazing: Wall sits, pushups, drinking, more drinking, scavenger hunts and some other silly stuff. Some of us did paddle our ‘littles’ (i.e. little brothers in your fraternity), but it was all in good fun. I was fortunate to not have to go through any of this because of when I joined, but that’s another story.

  For a long time, I never understood the point of hazing. In fact, when I had a leadership position I railed against it. Maybe it was because I was never a pledge that I can’t appreciate the value of pledge ship, but I just really never understood it.

  Looking back, pledging has several valuable purposes. One reason that I would condone hazing is that a lot of kids think they’re the shit and need to learn their place—hazing takes care of that.

  Moreover, most pledges actually liked the hazing we did. When we got in trouble with the university the pledges told us they would keep their mouths shut and we could keep hazing them!

  The reason for this is that certain types of hazing builds strong bonds. This is why it’s done, in part, in the military.

  If you do decide to join a frat, I can’t say for certain if they will haze you or not, but be prepared. Luckily, I got you covered.

  What to Expect as a Pledge

  Pledge periods run anywhere from 6-10 weeks, although many fraternities are known to do it longer despite it being against university policy. The point of pledging in the eyes of the active members is five-fold:

  1.) To build strong bonds of brotherhood among pledges,

  2.) To put them in their place by breaking them down,

  3.) For entertainment purposes,

  4.) To clean shit up and do favors,

  5.) Make being a brother something worth striving for.

  If you’re going to be a pledge, the idea is that you will be put through rigorous tests to prove your worth while simultaneously building you up. I can’t say that all people come out of pledging better than before, but no one ever comes out worse.

  I’m honestly making a big deal out of this. It’s really not that bad at all. The biggest pain in the ass though is the time commitment it will require. If you rush as a freshman, you will definitely be spending a lot of time at the frat house. It is crucial that you get all your class work done during this time. Time management is a valuable skill to learn at this point.

  After your pledgeship, you will become imitated as a full-fledged member. Congrats bro, now chug that natty light!

  The Life of a Frat Boy

  I’m not going to try and group all fraternities together because that is just simply not possible. Instead, I’ll take this opportunity to walk you through my time in college and how it pertained to being in a fraternity.

  I can’t say enough how drastically my life altered from the time I moved out of the dorms freshman year to moving in my frat house. My entire freshman year (actually, in my entire life at that point) I made out with three girls and that was the furthest I got. Within the first week of living in my frat house freshman year I had made out with three girls.

  That’s one year vs. one week!

  So what caused this drastic change? Did I intensely study the art of seduction over summer break?

  Nope. In fact, I had studied “PUA” stuff for years, and it amounted to nothing. I’m not saying it has no value, but it’s not necessary to get girls, especially in college. The reason I was able to get these girls is simply because I was living in a frat house, where people congregated, partied and drank. Cute girls came to our house and as the facilitators of fun we were lusted after.

  Being in a fraternity offers a ton of the social currency that we talked about earlier.

  Another reason is that when you’re in your own house you feel 10 times more comfortable than in another environment. When you walk into the bar who are the most comfortable people there? It’s the bouncers, bartenders, barbacks, the DJ etc. Essentially the people who are there all the time. It’s like home to them.

  Same thing with a frat house. It’s our fucking house!

  We make the rules. We buy the beer. We call the shots. Boom!

  It makes you feel confident, and that’s why a lot of frat guys are d-bags because they let this power get to their head and act like they’re the shit.

  Another amazing, amazing part of living in a frat house is that you live right above where there are parties. On many occasions I walked downstairs in my slippers and bathrobe only to find twenty sexy sorority girls partying in our front room.

  When we would have parties my go to move was to chat a girl up. I would make it a point to let her know I lived here. I would then inquire as to whether she had been to our house before. Seeing as most of our clientele early in the year were freshman girls, the answer was almost always “No”. I then asked if they would like a tour. You can see where this is going… I could’ve also just as easily asked if she wanted to do shots upstairs (This is a clutch move. Always have some alcohol in your room. Girls don’t want to drink shitty natty lite at your party. They want to have fun and do shots. Invite a girl or two to your room and do shots together. This is a bold, high-status move. It always helps you isolate a girl. So clutch!).

  When you meet a girl at a frat party, house party, bar or club she is usually going to be with a group of friends. To pull her back to your place away from her friends is always a major obstacle if at a bar or house party. But if you live in a frat house you can quickly extract her from her friends, hook up with her and bring her back in one piece (unless you’re laying that pipe down big time ‘nom sayin?).

  Within that first semester I would go on to lose my virginity from a girl I met in my frat house. That’s 19 years of being a virgin and within less than two months in my frat house I lost it.


  There were no tricks, lines, routines or magic tricks I learned. I didn’t have to go out and buy new clothes or buy expensive liquor. All I had to do was put myself in an environment where there were women and I realized that I could talk to girls all along. I just never had any girls to talk to!

  Now, most would say it’s pretty pathetic to join a fraternity to just get laid. I disagree. But, that’s not the only reason to join, and probably won’t even be what you remember most.

  Yeah, pussy is nice, but it pales in comparison to the friendships I made and the experiences I had.

  Do you think twenty years from now you’re going to look back at that time you fucked some random chick?

  Probably not. What you will remember, and embrace, is the friendships you made and there is really no better place to make friends than in a fraternity.

  Most people would say that people in fraternities pay for their friends. While it may appear that way at first glance it is hardly the case. People in Greek Life are some of the most social people I have ever met. I believe that most people join Greek organizations because they are already highly social creatures, and want to continue meeting new people and doing new things.