Grades and Girls: What Your Parents Never Told You About College Read online

  We left shortly after and returned back to the dorms. It was a fun night indeed. While my weekends prior to that had consisted of shitty pizza, porn and the occasional movie I finally had my first taste of the real college experience. It opened my eyes as to what was really out there.

  I would go on to attend, and host, many parties like this in the future at my frat house and they were wild. I’m talking hundreds, if not over a thousand people at my house. Cases of Natural Light as far as the eyes could see. Lights flashing and music bumping while little Freshman girls twerked their tight asses. This is the shit you see in movies. I was fortunate to be able to be a part of this.

  For the majority of students on a college campus this is just a pipedream. I’d venture to say at least 80% of people rarely get to experience things like these. Most guys spend their whole four years how I spent my first year: Class, fap, eat repeat.

  By simply making the right choices, knowing the right people, and putting yourself in situations where stuff like this can happen it inevitably will. The most effective way to achieve this is to be part of a social circle where this stuff happens. Most people in college are relegated to being part of a small, tightly knit social circle. They all know one another through high school, class, student organizations or work. When they party, they party together at one of their apartments or houses. If one of them gets laid, which is probably rare, it will be with someone within this small group, and they will most likely end up dating them at the insistence of their peers.

  Compare that with people in fraternities who have dozens of close male friends. On top of this, they “network” with sororities and are constantly expanding their social network. As a result of economies of scale, these groups can throw bigger and better parties. These parties attract hotter women. Women like to fuck cool guys, and thus is the reason frat boys get laid.

  The average college student is a part of one of these small groups and thus won’t experience the life of someone who’s part of this bigger social network. As previously mentioned being in a fraternity fulfills this criteria.

  If you don’t decide to join a fraternity it is still very feasible to achieve this. I will go over how exactly to do this shortly, but essentially it will require you to create your own social network. You will be the facilitator of fun and the dictator of decisions. So how does one become this man? Glad you asked.

  To begin, we must discuss the social hierarchy that exists on campuses. By understanding and internalizing this structure, you’ll better be able to navigate your way to the top of the pyramid.

  Chapter 8: The Social Hierarchy

  Ohio State is one of, if not the largest universities in the country. There are nearly 60,000 students!

  Although this seems like a ton of people, the school is much smaller than you think. And by that I mean that people are all connected via their social networks and friends.

  Moreover, all guys fit somewhere on the social hierarchy. As soon as you meet a girl, she’s already sizing you up about where you fit in that pyramid.

  Yes, status matters in college.

  As Jordan Soze, puts it: “Social life in college can be summed up in a fairly simple mathematical proof – the more people you know, the more parties you get invited to, the more girls you meet, the more girls you hook up with, the more fun you have.”[13]

  Strictly talking about sex and dating, the top dogs on campus will get the most girls. The majority of guys on the bottom will be left looking for scraps. Like many other environments, college adheres to the ‘Pareto Principle’ which states that ‘20% of the invested input is responsible for 80% of the results obtained’.

  In this example, the Pareto Principle suggests that the ‘Top 20%’ of men will be having 80% of the sex with college girls. This is highly accurate.

  Women are hardwired to be attracted to status. Outside of college, that has meant being attracted to rich and powerful men. In college, however, money and power aren’t important. Your ‘social currency’ is what is.

  I define social currency as what a guy has to offer a girl that she is looking for. That includes, for the most part, fun. Guys who have access to parties, alcohol, and cool people have a lot of social currency and are going to be near the top of the food chain.

  For reference, I want you to check out this article:

  ‘Misconceptions About College Part 2’. Scroll down a bit to find the pyramid.

  I don’t agree 100% with the pyramid, but it’s quite accurate. And it gives you an idea of where you want to aim for.

  Let’s start with the top of the pyramid: Athletes.

  Because I went to Ohio State, I would occasionally see some of the ‘big-named’ athletes (The football and basketball players stand out because they’re either really tall or jacked). Although I never saw girls blatantly throwing themselves at these guys, they get a lot of attention.

  Every OSU student knows who they are. Bar owners and bouncers know who they are and give them access to the ‘VIP’ section where the hot girls flock to.

  Though athletes don’t necessarily have a lot of social currency (e.g. alcohol, parties, fun personalities), they are by default ‘really cool’. Girls want to fuck athletes, just like in high school. If a girl sleeps with them, a little bit of that popularity rubs off on them. Plus these guys are usually attractive.

  Not only have I seen these athletes out, but I’ve seen and met their girlfriends. This includes the “girlfriends” of guys like Carlos Hyde (49ers Running Back), Greg Oden (former #1 overall NBA Draft Pick and notorious flop), and Terrelle Pryor(Fuck him!)—all OSU legends. These girls were always attractive—usually quite stunning.

  I put “girlfriend” in quotes because I doubt that any of these guys were truly monogamous. Moreover, I don’t always trust a girl who says she’s dating a top football player because she may be bullshitting. But just by calling themselves the girlfriend of this athlete gives them status. Like one time me and a buddy went to a bar on an off-night. There were a dozen or so really cute girls—they were the girls lacrosse team. A hot girl was Terrelle Pryor’s “girlfriend” even though he was out in Oakland, likely tagging some hoes there. Oh, and she bought me a shot (along with the rest of the group) which is a fun fact I like to mention!

  If you’re not in athletics, which is 99% of you reading this, then don’t worry about it. You can, like one of my frat brothers did, steal his girl back from a future NFL linebacker, but it’s not going to be something that happens often.

  Then there are guys with jobs that get them connected to parties and pussy, like being a bartender or a bouncer. Being a bartender of bouncer is not necessarily ‘high status’, but it is much more conducive to getting laid and meeting people then in the real world.

  The category you are more likely to fall into is simply being in a cool fraternity, or being a cool independent. The reason for this is simply social currency.

  What all these guys have to offer is that they are fun and always have something going on. Therefore, girls flock to them.

  Within this top 20% hierarchy there is a ton of variability. For example, not all frat boys are created equal. In fact, the 80-20% principle applies to fraternities as well, with the top guys getting tons of pussy, with most members getting much less, though still a respectable amount.

  What separates the pyramid’s bottom portion of the top 20% portion with the 80% is access. For example, a less popular frat boy who is able to get girls occasionally would never be able to get laid on his own. Simply joining the fat gave him access to more women which puts him in the top 20% portion, though at the bottom of that section.

  What separates the ‘frat stars’ from the average guy is simply personality. We will certainly discuss that more, but just finding your way to the top 20% is so fucking crucial.

  Then there’s the bottom 80%.

  Chris from GLL has divided that 80% into a top-half and bottom-half. It’s accurate, but not really worth discussing too much.

  I
n general, these guys just don’t get it. They make no effort to join cool fraternities or social circles, just sticking to their small group of friends. They have bad style, no sex appeal and their hobbies are dorky.

  In their minds, everything they’re doing is right. So they wonder why all the douche-bag frat boys and athletes get all the girls, and they’re stuck jerking off. They’ll never get it—fortunately, you will.

  We really just want to focus on how to avoid this bottom 80%. The simplest way to avoid this is by joining a cool frat, which we will discuss more shortly. However, if you want to stay independent, then you must be the hub of a cool social circle.

  It’s important that you internalize this hierarchy as soon as possible. You need to either get into, or set yourself on the path to, the Top 20%.

  As Chris notes:

  “For each incoming class, this Hierarchy begins to take shape within hours of moving in. After 6 weeks - significant social mobility becomes harder.”

  This is very true.

  It’s not meant to scare you, but rather to show you that you need to move fast. Again, joining a frat makes this process so much easier, but independents can do it as well.

  Chapter 9: Defining the Big Man on Campus

  The first version of this book was entitled Big Man on Campus. I love the phrase and it really encompasses the idea of what young men should shoot for while in school. That said, it felt incongruent for me to use the title of Big Man on Campus when I wasn’t one myself.

  You can be. And the point of this book is to turn you into one.

  Traditionally, a Big Man on Campus is a man who is at the top of the social pyramid. He is known and beloved by many at his university. He has the respect of men and the lust of women.

  To reach this point requires the right mindset. It requires keen social skills, an appetite for socializing and alcohol, and a constant stream of smiles and jokes.

  Moreover, a Big Man on Campus should strive for more than just social popularity. He should aim to have a fulfilling college experience in all aspects: Social, academic, involvement, volunteering, fitness, friends etc.

  A Big Man on Campus is essentially a Renaissance Man of college life.

  I love the idea of a Renaissance Man. A man who is adept at multiple different skills. The same goes for men in college.

  Why just focus on academics and not social life? And vice-versa.

  Essentially, a Big Man on Campus is the type of guy people want to be around. When you are attractive physically and mentally, you will have people constantly buzzing around you wanting to be in your presence. This is crucial for your social life.

  If you follow all the advice in this book. You will become that man. It’s a long journey, but it can be done.

  ***

  It’s hard to encapsulate exactly what it means to be a top-dog on you campus or even in your social circle. The coolest guys never follow a script or guidelines on how to make friends and get laid. Rather, it comes spontaneously to them. Therefore, trying to imitate these behaviors is going to come across as unauthentic.

  If you’re being strategic and calculating every step you take, you’re doing it wrong. You need to let go! You want to aim for fun and good times and to do so you need to get outside of your head and stop thinking. It’s hard at first to internalize these traits and stay out of your head, but it will just take some time.

  As for the specific traits to exude, I think a great list comes from Conquer Your Campus by Mark Redman. He defines the 20% man as having four traits:

  1. Fun

  2. Dominant

  3. Leaders

  4. Easygoing

  Those are good, except I have two caveats:

  Being ‘Fun’ does not necessarily mean being funny or making good jokes. Rather it should be hosting events regularly, and always having interesting things going on where he can invite other people, and

  Not all BMOC’s are easygoing. They’re often d-bags and narcissists, and I don’t think that detracts from their popularity or success with women.

  What I also like about these traits is that you can work to develop them. They’re specific and in a way quantifiable. For example, if you want to become ‘Fun’ then you can plan on throwing parties twice a month, and planning a group outing every few weeks. As for being a leader, you can work on always being the one to suggest where to go on a night out and when.

  Being dominant is a bit more abstract and hard to quantify. It really requires developing a masculine aura who doesn’t submit to others. It requires being bold and having a strong frame. You shouldn’t worry about being a dominant male, as that’s well…not dominant. Instead, by being a leader you’re going to naturally develop your dominance. Moreover, by physically becoming stronger and in-shape you will come across as more dominant, around both men and women.

  None of these traits are going to happen overnight. They’re nothing you will learn in a college classroom, but will in fact stick with you much longer than what you learn in any of these classes. They’re skills that will help you throughout your life, and the best time to develop them is in college. Better yourself each and every day by pushing yourself a little harder and sticking to critical habits, and in due time these traits will develop.

  Another concept discussed in Conquer Your Campus is ‘Giving Love’. This is not to be confused with making love, nor is it some homo-erotic act. Rather it’s the idea that you are being a fun, friendly guy who is making sure those around him are having a good time.

  I would equate this to the idea of bringing up others around you. When you enter a party and you chat up a group, do they become energized and bubbly, or do they become cold and annoyed? You always want it to be the former. Getting there requires you to get out of your head and just simply focus on having a great time. Don’t focus on getting laid or worrying about how our shirt looks, just have fun!

  Chapter 10: Understanding Greek Life

  Usually in your first year you’re going to have to make a decision: To go Greek or not.

  The earlier the decision the better, as you can solidify your path to the Top 20% faster.

  Most students will not have to make a decision as Greek life is not even in their realm of thought. There is a small percent of people (ten percent or so) that are inevitably going to join Greek life and another ten percent that aren’t. You’re probably somewhere in the middle. I don’t want to shove fraternities down your throat, but I can’t recommend it enough. It was one of the best decisions I ever made. I would have had a miserable college experience with no friends had I never joined a fraternity.

  Joining a fraternity gives you the opportunity to be surrounded by like-minded men. Not just those who want to party, but those who want to better themselves both socially and academically. They are looking for life-long friendships and alumni to help build their future.

  At least think about it and give it a shot. Rushing fraternities has its perks.

  Let’s assume for now that you do decide to join, or at least look into joining a fraternity. Well, welcome to Greek life my friend.

  ***

  In high school there are pretty distinct cliques. You got your rich kids, super rich kids (credit to Frank Ocean), jocks, dorks, geeks, nerds, emos, goths, potheads, lax bros, religious kids, troublemakers, wannabee troublemakers, band geeks, cheerleaders, Asians (subcategorized into smart Asians and cool

  Asians), Hispanic immigrants, sluts, hipsters, and of course the illustrious theater dorks.

  Am I missing any?

  Now take those groups and multiply the number of people in each one by 10-20. These cliques now become small communities and there is no larger community than the Greeks.

  If the Greeks were a high school clique they would be a combination of lax bros, rich kids (with a few super rich kids thrown in for good measure), and the cheerleaders. That would give you your stereotypical frat boy and sorority girl.

  You must realize though that when you have several thousand peopl
e in different fraternities and sororities at a university you can’t categorize everyone into a specific role like in high school. It depends largely on the university, but in many fraternities at my campus, and in my own fraternity we pulled guys from nearly every one of the high school cliques.

  If you looked at some of the guys in my frat you would have never guessed that they were a frat boy. We had our stoners, geeks, Asians, gay guys etc. You name it we probably had it, and that was the beauty of it! Sure, many organizations will have 100 guys or girls who looked like they we’re cloned in some lab, but that’s rarely the case.